Monday 7 November 2011

6th Grade Hottie Continued...continued...

What had I created? I'll tell you what I had created. I had created a saga. A saga that would extend over many, many months. Months of No Sex in the City. How did I get away with that? How did he stay interested? Who knows. But keep reading and you might discover the secrets.

The 6th Grade Hottie saga continues but in the mean time, there were some other boys on the cards. There were ALWAYS other boys on the cards. I wasn't an eggs in one basket kind of girl (the pride takes less of a battering when one stops writing back if you have another 3 vying for your attention. Fact.)

Also on the cards:

Luke - a 28 year old engineer working as an insurance broker. I should have known then that just meant an inner nerd who had discovered he was hot at some point in his early 20's and begun working it to his advantage and loving it. And then the career change to insurance broker? That says it all. Slimy, sleazy and wielding an inflated ego with some serious insecurity behind it all. If only I'd know that at the time, sigh. But this is where I learn my lessons. If Awful Boyfriend #1 didn't teach me enough, these little liaisons reinforce the idea. When I like a boy, I can convince myself of anything. C'mon. When I like the attention I'm getting, I can convince myself of anything! I'm a hopeless case. When it comes to boys, my judgement is fatally flawed.

I met Luke on a girls night out at Zhivagos in town. It must have been a great night because I don't even remember meeting him but a few months later, whilst out again, I got a phone call from an unknown number. I rarely ever answer but I was out and feeling brave so I answered and he told me he'd met me at Zhivagos. I said I hadn't been to Zhivagos in aaaaaaaaaaages so I had no idea who I was speaking to or why (Zhivagos was not a fave of mine. Way too mellow when you want to be out dancing with your ladies). Eventually he managed to convince me that I had met him on my last trip to Zhivagos, which was literally months ago, and I was so offended it had taken him so long to call, I (and the 6 vodka sodas I'd consumed) said "Are you hot?! Because if you're not, I'm hanging up". He said he was hot. I told him to prove it and send me a photo. And hung up.

I continued my night and realised by the time I got home that there was no photo. Oh well. Until my phone lit up with a text. It was him. Telling me to add him on facebook because his phone wouldn't take a photo. So I added him and waited for him to accept. When he did I stalked his profile photos and a couple of random photos (because everyone knows people use their best photos for their profile photos)....well, well, well. The kid was right. He WAS hot. Phone lit up..."You run a tight ship. I'm impressed. When can I take you for a long walk on the beach and teach you how to skim rocks?"...and so it began. His dorky hilarity seemed cool to me. I thought you had to be a pretty awesome guy to feel comfortable with that level of ridiculousness. I should have known he was just a dork haha.

Long story short, we dated for the few months leading up to Christmas. Until he got intimidated by my over-the-top lifestyle and countless photos with other boys on facebook on nights out etc etc and ended it saying he was looking for something serious and he just didn't think that was with me. This was my first reality check. That I had officially become "not that girl" when all my life I had been the boring, monogamous relationship girl who would ditch her friends to stay at home with her boy....oh well. This was me right now. And while I wasn't running around, sleeping around and making a fool of myself, what I was doing was fine. So what if I missed my chance with someone I really connected with and could laugh with like I've never laughed before. He was gorgeous, funny and our chemistry was unreal. Our conversations flowed and it was like spending time with some of my best friends where anything and everything you say is hilarious and you spend hours in tears of laughter and coming up with the next funny quip, keeping each other in stitches. I'd never had that with a boy before. Maybe it was time to make a change? Maybe it was time to take a chance and put all my eggs in the one basket? But I couldn't do anything about it now.

Until....a few months later, he came back. I was very hesitant. I didn't trust him. As soon as we had slept together (and I didn't sleep with anyone. EVER) he had lost interest and ended things. I don't care what he said. That is the way I saw it. But first it started with the funny emails to make me giggle at work, and the funny texts, and then the lunch dates...you'll find out how this saga turned out over the next few blogs :)

Mick - 24 and gorgeous. Thought he was The One for a while...hahaha. Another story for another day. But long story short, I had met him at the Havelock one night when I had been perving on his friend all night and bumped into him by accident and, never one to be opportunistic I didn't change my mind and flirt with Mick instead but took the opportunity to openly tell him I thought his friend was hot and gave him my number to give to his friend and promptly left haha (gutless!). He messaged me a week or so later and told me he was the guy from the Havvie and as I had expected it to be the mate a text conversation ensued from days on completely false pretences! Eventually the conversation came to a point where I wasn't sure who I was talking to anymore so I asked his full name and stalked him on facebook. I didn't know what he had looked like (clearly overcome by vodka sodas again!) but I found a photo of him and his friend from that night and couldn't believe my luck! I wasn't talking to the friend but the guy I HAD spoken to was about one billion times hotter! I mean this guy was incredible! IN-CRED-I-BLE!! So more texting and laughing and carrying on ensued until we met up the following week when he invited me and my friend to a house party but I put it off because I was having too much fun in town and when I finally arrived it was just him and his friend left. I was nervous! This guy was so amazing. Absolutely gorgeous and so....well, nice! I wasn't used to it! So I decided to have a few shots of the jagermeister I had brought (being the gracious house guest). So Mick and I had a few shots and spent the night wrapped up in conversation and drunk giggles together until we fell asleep. Very cute. And completely innocent. And he was still interested after! Now, THIS is my kind of boy.

Back to 6th...

And this is where the Carrie Mail begins!

The whole point of writing this blog. At the time I was working for an inner city law firm (top tier). And my office was right next to the marketing department where two of the loveliest marketing execs sat. A little bit older than me (in their 30's) and living vicariously through me. I always came in on a Monday morning and entertained them with my stories to the point where I started jotting it into an email and sending it off to them. One of them told me I was Adelaide's very own Carrie Bradshaw, with my entertaining recounts. And that's where Carrie Mail was born.

From now on my blogs with be direct copies of my archived emails to my gorgeous, gorgeous marketing mates.

Starting with 5 February 2010:


"From: xxxxx, xxxxxxx [mailto:xxxxxxxx.xxxxxxx@xxxxxxxxxxx.com.au]
Sent: Friday, 5 February 2010 9:39 AM
To: 'xxxxxxx'; xxxxxxx
Subject: CARRIE MAIL

Well forgive me if I forget things between updates – too much to remember!! LOL

But in a nutshell:

6th grade hottie – we were supposed to catch up earlier this week and watch a movie and have a sleepover.....cue hyperventilation and paranoia from me regarding the “should I/shouldn’t I” thing. Anyway the day came and I had decided to cancel and that night he sent me a message saying he couldn’t do tonight because he was on his way back to the Riverland because his Poppa had taken a turn for the worse with his cancer. He died in the early hours of the morning = ( I messaged him to say how sorry I was to hear about his Poppa and that I was thinking of him and his family and he said “thanks hun x”...presumably he will be in the Riverland all weekend. I will see him when he gets back, consoling sad boys is my specialty. This might bring us closer. This is actually where I want this stint with 6th grade hottie going. I want there to be actual feeling there (not necessarily falling in love with me but I want there to be a genuine care and friendship there before I take things any further). I just know what he’s like and he churns through the girls and I’m not comfortable with being treated like that. My friends think he actually likes me already because this has been going on for MONTHS but I’m not convinced. We’ll see.

Luke – bah! He’s still around!! LOL I have established that he is a terrible guy and would make an even worse boyfriend so I was keeping him around for entertainment purposes ONLY (he’s fun to flirt with and hang out with) but we have spoken, emailed and lunch-dated a lot this week and......I feel myself feeling less hesitant towards him again!!!!!!! ARGH!! What is wrong with me!! LOL no, absolutely no way will anything happen between us again....unless he does something massive to prove himself to me. I just don’t trust him not to break my heart. He’s the male version of me! As soon as he gets me he will realise he doesn’t want me and/or a relationship anymore! It’s the thrill of the chase....although he does ALWAYS speak of settling down.....he’s confusing. Which is why I like where I’m at now, I don’t care so I don’t even query what it is that he wants from me anymore. Will keep you updated.

The one I really like!!! Mick!! Text messages were exchanged for months, I didn’t really care because I couldn’t remember what he looked like but I remembered I was more interested in his friend. Long story short we caught up (finally!) a few weeks ago, had so much fun together all weekend, had an incident with his friend writing something gross on my facebook wall logged in as Mick and I got angry at him and he freaked out and apologised and called and messaged for two days....then moved to Melbourne on the Monday = ( boooo! Devastated. This one was actually a nice one. And ridiculously good looking! RIDICULOUSLY!! Photo attached (he’s the shirtless one...what is it with me and shirtless boys?!?! Haha ok we know what it is! Lol)

And that’s the main players at the moment. There are a few 12th men or less prominent players in the game at the mo but nothing worth mentioning.

OH hang on!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guess who facebook messaged me his number and wants to see me next week when the Aussie’s are back in Adelaide??? xxxxxx!! Australia’s newest bowler (cricket). The one who’s friend gave me a fake name at Marble Bar because he has a gf back in Melb and tried to hook up with me. Alarm bells should be ringing....but its xxxxx...he seems pretty nice on facebook.....no harm in me and my girlfriends meeting up with them when they’re out....great way to show off anyway!! haha but that is the extent of my famous ties at the moment. Sad isn’t it haha!

Hope you and your main men are doing fabulously!!!

xoxoxoxooxoxox"

Sunday 2 October 2011

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xxx

6th Grade Hottie Continued...

So...despite not noticing him for the rest of the night I knew he had left not long after I bumped into him at the bar because...

After I left I found I had a message on my facebook from him saying:

"Damn! I should have got your number! Here's mine, hope to catch up with you soon xx".

I ignored it and the next day at work, sometime in the afternoon, my curiosity got the better of me and I flicked back "04** *** *** x". If he wanted my number he could have it. But I was going to do absolutely zilch with his. I had such little interest in boys at the moment that I had no inclination to chase them in anyway.

That night after work I detoured to Ikea on the way home because there were a few things I want to get for my new little apartment. Whilst shopping I noted that my mobile phone had gone off in my bag. I check it. Unrecognised number: "Hey hun, what you up to? xx"....it was him. A little smile crept across my face as I threw my phone back into my bag:

a) because he'd gotten back to me so quickly (I was used to boys waiting 2-3 days to get in contact! Seemed to be a common dating ritual amongst singletons. Frustrated me to the Hilt); and

b) because I threw it back into my bag with no intention of replying for hours...in hindsight I don't know how or when I became such a game player as I had very little reason to ever become such (I had not been single very long and so I hadn't had a chance to be burnt by boys yet...just naturally cynical and suspicious I guess. And probably seen a few too many episodes of Sex and the City ha). But at the time I was quite proud of my ability not to succumb to boys and their attempts to gain my attention. I think I probably expected to lose theirs as soon as they got mine? Who knows. Women are complex and fickle beings and they come up with these funny little notions that can sometimes drive many areas of their lives and it's only when you can recognise these little misconceptions that you can properly address a situation in an unaffected fashion.

I wrote back once I had finally got home and unpacked all of my new purchases and we had a nice, re-getting to know you chat via text. Until I stopped writing back. Another one of my dating tools...are you detecting a pattern here? I was playing hard-to-get without even realising it!

I was so affected by my previous relationship, and had such ill-opinion of men and my need for another relationship that I was doing what so many women attempted to do. Did my playing-hard-to-get work better because I wasn't actually playing?

Stay tuned to find out!

xxx

Sunday 25 September 2011

6th Grade Hottie

The Ultimate Single Gal wasn't properly born until....6th Grade Hottie.

Until that point I had been partying my weekends away (by weekend I mean Thursday through to Sundays) and encountering countless pointless guys who, although gorgeous, witty and clearly after only one thing (which hence made them a massive challenge for me), only posed as something to pass the time Monday - Thursday until I could go out and meet some more.

The texting and promises of dates (sometimes actual dates) kept me entertained for the few days it took to get from the Grand on a Sunday night, back to Marble Bar on a Thursday night where the fun, frivolity, drinking and dancing with my friends would throw up some more potential interests in the form of young, attractive males.

It was back at the Grand one Sunday evening in 2009 that I ran into someone who would end up being a pivotal character in my single years...6th Grade Hottie (his nickname will become apparent).

I was at the Grand with my friends as per usual, at the bar ordering a drink and wriggling my butt to the music in the involuntary manner that I do, when I see an attractive, VERY muscular boy looking at me out of the corner of my eye. My confidence is sky high by this stage of my single journey so I look directly at him to see whether he'd be worth my time or whether I should blatantly ignore him. At the same time he cracked a smile and yelled "Little-miss-dates-a-lot!" (well, obviously he didn't say that, he said my name, but for the purposes of protecting the identities of all the poor suckers you'll hear about through the course of this blog, I need to conceal mine also) I recognised him. 6th Grade Hottie. A boy I "dated" when I was in 6th grade. And. He. Had. Got. SERIOUSLY. Hot!!!

Naturally, parties left the bar and our bodies gravitated towards each other until we were side by side. He offered to buy me a drink but there are two things you are going to learn about me very quickly.

1. Somehow, I managed to sleep with very few of these attractive, young men who were far smarter than I at this game; and

2. I always bought my own drinks. The only free drinks I accepted were from those in the industry. Never males showing the slightest, non-platonic interest in me.

We got chatting and him, being quite drunk and probably thinking it was a pretty good line to gauge my interest, said "You broke my heart in year 6. You broke my heart!". I said "No, I didn't...", flashed him a cheeky smile and made my way back to my friends on the dancefloor.

That was my smile. I didn't care about any of them. I had been broken before and recently realised that I should use this time to see what single life is like. I had no interest in entering another relationship and here's your next lesson ladies:

It's true! Men really can smell desperation. I swear, the more successful you are in the single scene is a direct correlation to how little you are looking for a proper relationship. So the best advice I can offer you is ENJOY YOUR TIME BEING SINGLE!! In the grand scheme of things, it is a relatively small portion of your life that you get to spend single and often only once! So enjoy it! Take it all in! Learn from it! And no, I definitely do not mean sit there analysing all of your mistakes and their mistakes and the things you think were yours or their mistakes in the hopes that the answers will soon jump out at you and you will meet your soulmate. Actually, truly enjoy it for what it is. A bit of fun that doesn't really result in anything tangible at any time in the immediate future but over periods of time, and without you even noticing, it teaches you more about men and more about yourself. I can't point my finger on the lessons or the signs but eventually you learn what you want in a man and what works for you. You learn what makes a great man! Because trust me, you are going to meet a HEAP of crappy ones! Haha and the best thing you can do is beat them at their own game. And the only way to do that is NOT SLEEP WITH THEM. Honestly, when did all these girls start thinking they need to sleep with a guy to get their interest? Pfft, quickest way to lose their interest! And I'm not saying if you withhold you're definitely going to hold their interest either. Some guys are not for the taking ladies. There are a lot (and I mean A LOT) of guys out there simply enjoying their single years. And there is nothing you, or any other girl can do about that. Eventually they'll meet a girl that makes them want to stick around and just because that girl wasn't you at the time you met him doesn't mean you're any less amazing! It's all timing ladies. Like it or lump it.

I didn't see 6th Grade Hottie for the rest of the night (not that I noticed but I realised he had left not long after we bumped into each other. How did I know that? You will find out in the next instalment ; ) ).



Keep smiling beautiful ladies and I will be back with more shortly xx

Saturday 24 September 2011

In the wake of the Gold Coast Epiphany

The Gold Coast Epiphany set me off down a path of self-discovery, self-reconciliation and self-growth.

I had to forgive myself for what I allowed to happen to me and I had to somehow find my way back to what I used to be. I didn't know exactly how to do that. It turns out I didn't have to.

I tell all my girlfriends what I learnt. One of my most valuable lessons in the few months after my break up is that you need to "fake it until you make it". So that's what I did. I didn't even realise I was doing it at the time but my constant partying, dinners out with the people who used to love me and think I was incredible, dalliances with boys and what will become the very famous "pash'n'dash" gradually built me into what I was to become.

I hate to admit it, but I can almost completely attribute the re-build in confidence to my experiences with boys on the single scene.

I had never experienced that before! I was in relationships throughout highschool and beyond. Which means you miss those character building, formative dating moments. The clubs, the chat ups, the discerning the douchebags from the nice guys (and your imminent taste in men which often makes this identification IMPOSSIBLE), boys chasing you, dating you, kissing you, attempting to.... ; )

All of those things start to make you realise that you ARE a worthwhile human being, you ARE attractive to the opposite sex and you DO have not just looks but a total package of worthy attributes to offer the opposite sex.

The difference between me and many single girls? Despite never having spent any time single, I was distinctly aware of the fact that there was no direct correlation between the way boys were treating me and my self-worth.

Many boys are after one thing in the single scene. And they will say and do practically anything to get it. You would be severely disillusioned if your deductions about life, love and the mating game arose from experiences with those guys. I had an innate ability to somehow gain confidence from these experiences without having to believe every word they said...and so the "ultimate single girl was born"...

xxx

No Sex in the City - a new age single girl

February 2009

At the age of 21 I found myself single for the first time in my life, after a rather tumultuous relationship with not a particularly great guy.

I had never been dumped before and had never experienced the wave of what can only be described as irrational emotions. Emotions that cause you to spend a week trying to get back a guy you didn't particularly like as a person and had tried to leave on a number of occasions in the preceding months...

I can't even recall what I felt during those 7 days but it certainly wasn't happiness.

To add insult to injury, I had an impending trip to the Gold Coast (for TWO) that my ex had somehow managed to convince me to pay for.

Instead of cancelling the trip and sitting at home feeling sorry for myself (or attempting to go out with my girlfriends and meet guys that seemed to pale in comparison) I bit the bullet and went ahead with the trip. Changing my luxurious outer-city accommodation to a hip hotel in the height of the Surfers Paradise frivolity.

This was a turning point.

I spent a week partying and making new friends (not something that occurs easily on domestic holidays within Australia, more aligned with the sort of experience you would have backpacking through Europe). This experience reignited a passion within me. A passion to fraternise with new people, have unadulterated fun and feel good about myself.

I slowly started to realise that my ex boyfriend had been emotionally abusive (on occasion physically abusive) and had sucked every ounce of self-esteem, self-respect and self-discovery out of what was once a young, vibrant, extremely confident and popular young girl. The sort of girl none of my friends or family would have ever expected to be shrouded and manipulated by a boy...I guess that's why none of them knew it was happening. But trust me, it was abundantly clear in that week post-break up when I had lost the being that I had succumb to and in effect become merely a part of, and was left barely a husk of a girl.

Most importantly, it had become clear to me. That is the most important part. You have to realise yourself, what has happened to you, in order for you to rectify it and become who you used to be.

This blog is a retrospective recount of the 2 years I spent single after this point, and the chronology of events that lead to me becoming not only the person I used to be but 40x the person I ever thought I could be.

This is proof that chain reactions can set your life on a course you never contemplated for yourself and result on you becoming so much more than you had ever imagined. Pre-this boyfriend, I thought I was capable of just about anything and would have a pretty great life. The period of time I was with him, who knows what I thought my life would be like. I had become a sub-being of him, not contemplating what my life could be, should be or was. Post-single time, my life is inexplicable. I am 100x the woman I ever thought I could be, with 100x the experiences and the most amazing people in my life who are a testimony every day to the sort of person I am in return.

The people in your life are one of the most obvious measure of what sort of person you are. If you have fantastic, zany, gorgeous, amazing people in your life who appreciate who you are and enjoy every minute they spend with you, you know you're doing something right...

Stay tuned for what happened post-Gold Coast epiphany.

In the meantime, live like there's no tomorrow, love like you've never been hurt and dance like nobody is watching xx