Monday, 26 September 2011
Sunday, 25 September 2011
6th Grade Hottie
The Ultimate Single Gal wasn't properly born until....6th Grade Hottie.
Until that point I had been partying my weekends away (by weekend I mean Thursday through to Sundays) and encountering countless pointless guys who, although gorgeous, witty and clearly after only one thing (which hence made them a massive challenge for me), only posed as something to pass the time Monday - Thursday until I could go out and meet some more.
The texting and promises of dates (sometimes actual dates) kept me entertained for the few days it took to get from the Grand on a Sunday night, back to Marble Bar on a Thursday night where the fun, frivolity, drinking and dancing with my friends would throw up some more potential interests in the form of young, attractive males.
It was back at the Grand one Sunday evening in 2009 that I ran into someone who would end up being a pivotal character in my single years...6th Grade Hottie (his nickname will become apparent).
I was at the Grand with my friends as per usual, at the bar ordering a drink and wriggling my butt to the music in the involuntary manner that I do, when I see an attractive, VERY muscular boy looking at me out of the corner of my eye. My confidence is sky high by this stage of my single journey so I look directly at him to see whether he'd be worth my time or whether I should blatantly ignore him. At the same time he cracked a smile and yelled "Little-miss-dates-a-lot!" (well, obviously he didn't say that, he said my name, but for the purposes of protecting the identities of all the poor suckers you'll hear about through the course of this blog, I need to conceal mine also) I recognised him. 6th Grade Hottie. A boy I "dated" when I was in 6th grade. And. He. Had. Got. SERIOUSLY. Hot!!!
Naturally, parties left the bar and our bodies gravitated towards each other until we were side by side. He offered to buy me a drink but there are two things you are going to learn about me very quickly.
1. Somehow, I managed to sleep with very few of these attractive, young men who were far smarter than I at this game; and
2. I always bought my own drinks. The only free drinks I accepted were from those in the industry. Never males showing the slightest, non-platonic interest in me.
We got chatting and him, being quite drunk and probably thinking it was a pretty good line to gauge my interest, said "You broke my heart in year 6. You broke my heart!". I said "No, I didn't...", flashed him a cheeky smile and made my way back to my friends on the dancefloor.
That was my smile. I didn't care about any of them. I had been broken before and recently realised that I should use this time to see what single life is like. I had no interest in entering another relationship and here's your next lesson ladies:
It's true! Men really can smell desperation. I swear, the more successful you are in the single scene is a direct correlation to how little you are looking for a proper relationship. So the best advice I can offer you is ENJOY YOUR TIME BEING SINGLE!! In the grand scheme of things, it is a relatively small portion of your life that you get to spend single and often only once! So enjoy it! Take it all in! Learn from it! And no, I definitely do not mean sit there analysing all of your mistakes and their mistakes and the things you think were yours or their mistakes in the hopes that the answers will soon jump out at you and you will meet your soulmate. Actually, truly enjoy it for what it is. A bit of fun that doesn't really result in anything tangible at any time in the immediate future but over periods of time, and without you even noticing, it teaches you more about men and more about yourself. I can't point my finger on the lessons or the signs but eventually you learn what you want in a man and what works for you. You learn what makes a great man! Because trust me, you are going to meet a HEAP of crappy ones! Haha and the best thing you can do is beat them at their own game. And the only way to do that is NOT SLEEP WITH THEM. Honestly, when did all these girls start thinking they need to sleep with a guy to get their interest? Pfft, quickest way to lose their interest! And I'm not saying if you withhold you're definitely going to hold their interest either. Some guys are not for the taking ladies. There are a lot (and I mean A LOT) of guys out there simply enjoying their single years. And there is nothing you, or any other girl can do about that. Eventually they'll meet a girl that makes them want to stick around and just because that girl wasn't you at the time you met him doesn't mean you're any less amazing! It's all timing ladies. Like it or lump it.
I didn't see 6th Grade Hottie for the rest of the night (not that I noticed but I realised he had left not long after we bumped into each other. How did I know that? You will find out in the next instalment ; ) ).
Keep smiling beautiful ladies and I will be back with more shortly xx
Until that point I had been partying my weekends away (by weekend I mean Thursday through to Sundays) and encountering countless pointless guys who, although gorgeous, witty and clearly after only one thing (which hence made them a massive challenge for me), only posed as something to pass the time Monday - Thursday until I could go out and meet some more.
The texting and promises of dates (sometimes actual dates) kept me entertained for the few days it took to get from the Grand on a Sunday night, back to Marble Bar on a Thursday night where the fun, frivolity, drinking and dancing with my friends would throw up some more potential interests in the form of young, attractive males.
It was back at the Grand one Sunday evening in 2009 that I ran into someone who would end up being a pivotal character in my single years...6th Grade Hottie (his nickname will become apparent).
I was at the Grand with my friends as per usual, at the bar ordering a drink and wriggling my butt to the music in the involuntary manner that I do, when I see an attractive, VERY muscular boy looking at me out of the corner of my eye. My confidence is sky high by this stage of my single journey so I look directly at him to see whether he'd be worth my time or whether I should blatantly ignore him. At the same time he cracked a smile and yelled "Little-miss-dates-a-lot!" (well, obviously he didn't say that, he said my name, but for the purposes of protecting the identities of all the poor suckers you'll hear about through the course of this blog, I need to conceal mine also) I recognised him. 6th Grade Hottie. A boy I "dated" when I was in 6th grade. And. He. Had. Got. SERIOUSLY. Hot!!!
Naturally, parties left the bar and our bodies gravitated towards each other until we were side by side. He offered to buy me a drink but there are two things you are going to learn about me very quickly.
1. Somehow, I managed to sleep with very few of these attractive, young men who were far smarter than I at this game; and
2. I always bought my own drinks. The only free drinks I accepted were from those in the industry. Never males showing the slightest, non-platonic interest in me.
We got chatting and him, being quite drunk and probably thinking it was a pretty good line to gauge my interest, said "You broke my heart in year 6. You broke my heart!". I said "No, I didn't...", flashed him a cheeky smile and made my way back to my friends on the dancefloor.
That was my smile. I didn't care about any of them. I had been broken before and recently realised that I should use this time to see what single life is like. I had no interest in entering another relationship and here's your next lesson ladies:
It's true! Men really can smell desperation. I swear, the more successful you are in the single scene is a direct correlation to how little you are looking for a proper relationship. So the best advice I can offer you is ENJOY YOUR TIME BEING SINGLE!! In the grand scheme of things, it is a relatively small portion of your life that you get to spend single and often only once! So enjoy it! Take it all in! Learn from it! And no, I definitely do not mean sit there analysing all of your mistakes and their mistakes and the things you think were yours or their mistakes in the hopes that the answers will soon jump out at you and you will meet your soulmate. Actually, truly enjoy it for what it is. A bit of fun that doesn't really result in anything tangible at any time in the immediate future but over periods of time, and without you even noticing, it teaches you more about men and more about yourself. I can't point my finger on the lessons or the signs but eventually you learn what you want in a man and what works for you. You learn what makes a great man! Because trust me, you are going to meet a HEAP of crappy ones! Haha and the best thing you can do is beat them at their own game. And the only way to do that is NOT SLEEP WITH THEM. Honestly, when did all these girls start thinking they need to sleep with a guy to get their interest? Pfft, quickest way to lose their interest! And I'm not saying if you withhold you're definitely going to hold their interest either. Some guys are not for the taking ladies. There are a lot (and I mean A LOT) of guys out there simply enjoying their single years. And there is nothing you, or any other girl can do about that. Eventually they'll meet a girl that makes them want to stick around and just because that girl wasn't you at the time you met him doesn't mean you're any less amazing! It's all timing ladies. Like it or lump it.
I didn't see 6th Grade Hottie for the rest of the night (not that I noticed but I realised he had left not long after we bumped into each other. How did I know that? You will find out in the next instalment ; ) ).
Keep smiling beautiful ladies and I will be back with more shortly xx
Saturday, 24 September 2011
In the wake of the Gold Coast Epiphany
The Gold Coast Epiphany set me off down a path of self-discovery, self-reconciliation and self-growth.
I had to forgive myself for what I allowed to happen to me and I had to somehow find my way back to what I used to be. I didn't know exactly how to do that. It turns out I didn't have to.
I tell all my girlfriends what I learnt. One of my most valuable lessons in the few months after my break up is that you need to "fake it until you make it". So that's what I did. I didn't even realise I was doing it at the time but my constant partying, dinners out with the people who used to love me and think I was incredible, dalliances with boys and what will become the very famous "pash'n'dash" gradually built me into what I was to become.
I hate to admit it, but I can almost completely attribute the re-build in confidence to my experiences with boys on the single scene.
I had never experienced that before! I was in relationships throughout highschool and beyond. Which means you miss those character building, formative dating moments. The clubs, the chat ups, the discerning the douchebags from the nice guys (and your imminent taste in men which often makes this identification IMPOSSIBLE), boys chasing you, dating you, kissing you, attempting to.... ; )
All of those things start to make you realise that you ARE a worthwhile human being, you ARE attractive to the opposite sex and you DO have not just looks but a total package of worthy attributes to offer the opposite sex.
The difference between me and many single girls? Despite never having spent any time single, I was distinctly aware of the fact that there was no direct correlation between the way boys were treating me and my self-worth.
Many boys are after one thing in the single scene. And they will say and do practically anything to get it. You would be severely disillusioned if your deductions about life, love and the mating game arose from experiences with those guys. I had an innate ability to somehow gain confidence from these experiences without having to believe every word they said...and so the "ultimate single girl was born"...
xxx
I had to forgive myself for what I allowed to happen to me and I had to somehow find my way back to what I used to be. I didn't know exactly how to do that. It turns out I didn't have to.
I tell all my girlfriends what I learnt. One of my most valuable lessons in the few months after my break up is that you need to "fake it until you make it". So that's what I did. I didn't even realise I was doing it at the time but my constant partying, dinners out with the people who used to love me and think I was incredible, dalliances with boys and what will become the very famous "pash'n'dash" gradually built me into what I was to become.
I hate to admit it, but I can almost completely attribute the re-build in confidence to my experiences with boys on the single scene.
I had never experienced that before! I was in relationships throughout highschool and beyond. Which means you miss those character building, formative dating moments. The clubs, the chat ups, the discerning the douchebags from the nice guys (and your imminent taste in men which often makes this identification IMPOSSIBLE), boys chasing you, dating you, kissing you, attempting to.... ; )
All of those things start to make you realise that you ARE a worthwhile human being, you ARE attractive to the opposite sex and you DO have not just looks but a total package of worthy attributes to offer the opposite sex.
The difference between me and many single girls? Despite never having spent any time single, I was distinctly aware of the fact that there was no direct correlation between the way boys were treating me and my self-worth.
Many boys are after one thing in the single scene. And they will say and do practically anything to get it. You would be severely disillusioned if your deductions about life, love and the mating game arose from experiences with those guys. I had an innate ability to somehow gain confidence from these experiences without having to believe every word they said...and so the "ultimate single girl was born"...
xxx
No Sex in the City - a new age single girl
February 2009
At the age of 21 I found myself single for the first time in my life, after a rather tumultuous relationship with not a particularly great guy.
I had never been dumped before and had never experienced the wave of what can only be described as irrational emotions. Emotions that cause you to spend a week trying to get back a guy you didn't particularly like as a person and had tried to leave on a number of occasions in the preceding months...
I can't even recall what I felt during those 7 days but it certainly wasn't happiness.
To add insult to injury, I had an impending trip to the Gold Coast (for TWO) that my ex had somehow managed to convince me to pay for.
Instead of cancelling the trip and sitting at home feeling sorry for myself (or attempting to go out with my girlfriends and meet guys that seemed to pale in comparison) I bit the bullet and went ahead with the trip. Changing my luxurious outer-city accommodation to a hip hotel in the height of the Surfers Paradise frivolity.
This was a turning point.
I spent a week partying and making new friends (not something that occurs easily on domestic holidays within Australia, more aligned with the sort of experience you would have backpacking through Europe). This experience reignited a passion within me. A passion to fraternise with new people, have unadulterated fun and feel good about myself.
I slowly started to realise that my ex boyfriend had been emotionally abusive (on occasion physically abusive) and had sucked every ounce of self-esteem, self-respect and self-discovery out of what was once a young, vibrant, extremely confident and popular young girl. The sort of girl none of my friends or family would have ever expected to be shrouded and manipulated by a boy...I guess that's why none of them knew it was happening. But trust me, it was abundantly clear in that week post-break up when I had lost the being that I had succumb to and in effect become merely a part of, and was left barely a husk of a girl.
Most importantly, it had become clear to me. That is the most important part. You have to realise yourself, what has happened to you, in order for you to rectify it and become who you used to be.
This blog is a retrospective recount of the 2 years I spent single after this point, and the chronology of events that lead to me becoming not only the person I used to be but 40x the person I ever thought I could be.
This is proof that chain reactions can set your life on a course you never contemplated for yourself and result on you becoming so much more than you had ever imagined. Pre-this boyfriend, I thought I was capable of just about anything and would have a pretty great life. The period of time I was with him, who knows what I thought my life would be like. I had become a sub-being of him, not contemplating what my life could be, should be or was. Post-single time, my life is inexplicable. I am 100x the woman I ever thought I could be, with 100x the experiences and the most amazing people in my life who are a testimony every day to the sort of person I am in return.
The people in your life are one of the most obvious measure of what sort of person you are. If you have fantastic, zany, gorgeous, amazing people in your life who appreciate who you are and enjoy every minute they spend with you, you know you're doing something right...
Stay tuned for what happened post-Gold Coast epiphany.
In the meantime, live like there's no tomorrow, love like you've never been hurt and dance like nobody is watching xx
At the age of 21 I found myself single for the first time in my life, after a rather tumultuous relationship with not a particularly great guy.
I had never been dumped before and had never experienced the wave of what can only be described as irrational emotions. Emotions that cause you to spend a week trying to get back a guy you didn't particularly like as a person and had tried to leave on a number of occasions in the preceding months...
I can't even recall what I felt during those 7 days but it certainly wasn't happiness.
To add insult to injury, I had an impending trip to the Gold Coast (for TWO) that my ex had somehow managed to convince me to pay for.
Instead of cancelling the trip and sitting at home feeling sorry for myself (or attempting to go out with my girlfriends and meet guys that seemed to pale in comparison) I bit the bullet and went ahead with the trip. Changing my luxurious outer-city accommodation to a hip hotel in the height of the Surfers Paradise frivolity.
This was a turning point.
I spent a week partying and making new friends (not something that occurs easily on domestic holidays within Australia, more aligned with the sort of experience you would have backpacking through Europe). This experience reignited a passion within me. A passion to fraternise with new people, have unadulterated fun and feel good about myself.
I slowly started to realise that my ex boyfriend had been emotionally abusive (on occasion physically abusive) and had sucked every ounce of self-esteem, self-respect and self-discovery out of what was once a young, vibrant, extremely confident and popular young girl. The sort of girl none of my friends or family would have ever expected to be shrouded and manipulated by a boy...I guess that's why none of them knew it was happening. But trust me, it was abundantly clear in that week post-break up when I had lost the being that I had succumb to and in effect become merely a part of, and was left barely a husk of a girl.
Most importantly, it had become clear to me. That is the most important part. You have to realise yourself, what has happened to you, in order for you to rectify it and become who you used to be.
This blog is a retrospective recount of the 2 years I spent single after this point, and the chronology of events that lead to me becoming not only the person I used to be but 40x the person I ever thought I could be.
This is proof that chain reactions can set your life on a course you never contemplated for yourself and result on you becoming so much more than you had ever imagined. Pre-this boyfriend, I thought I was capable of just about anything and would have a pretty great life. The period of time I was with him, who knows what I thought my life would be like. I had become a sub-being of him, not contemplating what my life could be, should be or was. Post-single time, my life is inexplicable. I am 100x the woman I ever thought I could be, with 100x the experiences and the most amazing people in my life who are a testimony every day to the sort of person I am in return.
The people in your life are one of the most obvious measure of what sort of person you are. If you have fantastic, zany, gorgeous, amazing people in your life who appreciate who you are and enjoy every minute they spend with you, you know you're doing something right...
Stay tuned for what happened post-Gold Coast epiphany.
In the meantime, live like there's no tomorrow, love like you've never been hurt and dance like nobody is watching xx
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